I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
