dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
