There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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