worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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