these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize