There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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