Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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