As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
