i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
