I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
