I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
