the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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