Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
