i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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