she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
