just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
