Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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