You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
