Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
