these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
