There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
