I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
