I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
