So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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