Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
