Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
