fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
