Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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