and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
