I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
