She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
