thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
