i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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