I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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