FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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