Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh god it's open bar.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
