i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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