U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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