i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
