Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
