remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
