I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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