When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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