tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
