I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
