ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
