Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
