my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
