drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
