I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
