remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
