My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
