we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
