Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
