Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
