Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
