Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
