"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
