I want you more than these girls want KFC
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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