You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
