Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
