You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
