You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
