I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
