I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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