She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
