I'm so fucking centered right now
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How does one acquire holy water?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
