K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
