after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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