i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize