some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize