If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
