too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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