whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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