I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He has the fingertips of a God
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