im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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