as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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