batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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