What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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